I could paint a very ugly picture of my life right now. My mom's been sick for 3 years and is still fighting against the damage the cancer left her. My Dad's over worked and stressed. I have been fighting illnesses all of my life and am again. My first year of college was a disaster. The first semester i nearly died in the hospital and had to drop out just before the end of my first semester and lost ALL of my work. I got better but wasn't 100% but went back to school anyways and was welcomed with an immense amount of work.
My mom had surgery again. Very stressful. The same week of the surgery i had my first art project due along with a test and quiz and an exam just around the corner followed by another test. Life isn’t all peachy baby and sometimes that’s just how it goes… I was getting colds left and right. i was still very tired and not feeling great. To sum it up, I was about as stressed and pathetic looking as the soul surviving wet ant standing a top its flooded mound not knowing quiet what to do. I settled for dripping my way off to work with no specific end in mind, just to work. Then I went through a break up. No need for details on what that’s like thanks to Hollywood and Hallmark. Continued at school and after school everyday I visited the hospital, but more specifically my mother in it, not the actual building itself. That’s silly. There are far prettier places to go if one was going to visit a place. But I would stay until late at night and attempt to do all the homework there I could, emotionally I was turning off.
Then she came home and we cared for her here. And I always wished there was more I could do for her. She's been through so much, i wished i could at least ease her pain, but i couldn't. So i went off to school early the next morning exhausted, rather down and feeling somewhat useless. And as the colors of life were fading from my depressed eyes, I got sick. Had a fever of 104.8 and still tried to go to school… I had an exam that week, I couldn’t skip. Don’t look at me as if I were mad. Haha I took the exam sick and after wards I just stared at it, not remembering how I took it or how long it had been I just knew I was done and didn’t remember how. Very weird but it was a blessed moment indeed. Haha SO Then I just became sicker and all around just very ill again and am now successfully very drugged and anxious and irritable because of the steroids I was put on haha :D sadly they won’t make me super strong but luckily they wont make me fat ‘ither haha BUT to end this tail: it's been declared on facebook, so to the world as we know it haha, that I have mono and had to drop ALL of my classes and loose all of my work yet again. I could go on but you see my point and I’m afraid I’d bore you… SO in a shell’s nut… I've had a ruff go.
But honestly, I have not been as happy as I am right now in a long long time. It doesn't make any sense. In fact it may even constitute a CAT scan. However, I can pass the scan in good conscience because A.) it’s far too expensive with Obama’s stellar health care program and B.) Because I know it’s because of God that i would be so happy. You see, I should just look around and be able to get unlimited emo rights. But, i don't want them. Why? I went to Jesus and it honestly doesn't seem all that bad. :) really :) It’s actually just the opposite.
He lets me see the humor and the silver lining and I don't feel abandoned or screwed at all. All I can say is that I am so happy to be alive. Out of the gloomy state above, this is what i see:
My dad has work when so many don't. Too much in fact. :) My mom has touched thousands through her story and while it is hard, she's stronger than the happenings on earth around her and has opened up to let Jesus speak to her and be with her in this as well. Through all of these things my family has become closer. We laugh like we've never laughed before and have learned to see humor and light in some of life's darkest corners. When I was sick last year, it gave my boyfriend at the time and i a new look on things and because of that when our relationship changed we were able to become and stay friends. I don’t know if that would have been possible if thing hadn’t happened they way they did and if we didn’t get that time together in the end that we had. We have a real happiness for the other and we're still a part of the other's life just in a very different way. I really would go through all of that again because I cherish the outcome it gave so much.
Through dropping out of college the first time, it's made the second much easier. And in dropping a second time, it's given me the chance to recover and focus on getting the rest i need to be healthy again. It's given me the chance to think to become closer with God and explore other options for me in life. Through my sickness my sister and I have bridged a once very distance filled gap. LA suddenly doesn't seem so far away God has given me an AMAZING group of friends and FANTASTIC new friends as well. They’ve all come right along side of me and blessed me so much through everything and in this time. That has given me such joy :) They’re amazing! I have so much. A house, two dogs a loving family and friends a bright future ahead of me. How could I complain?
I would never have seen things this way, if it wasn't for the Holy Spirit first coming to me.
Anyways, I am in a very good spot. And I'll stop lecturing you with my little anecdote haha but I wanted to share with you about me and where I am also... :) Hope it wasn’t tooo boring haha anyways moving right along... :D
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