LOVE these quotes :D

"None of us can help the things life has done to us. They're done before you realize it, and ... they make you do other things until at last everything comes between you and what you'd like to be, and you've lost your true self." ~Eugene O'Neill, "The Long Day's Journey into Night"

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best, knows triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." ~ Theodore Roosevelt, "Citizen in a Republic"

some of my thoughts...

This world can never break us down because it does not own us, we don't belong to it; we never did. Therefore, it has no authority over us, unless we grant it.

Religion is the passing point where humans merely exchange pleasantries and wave at their God, as they hide their souls from even themselves.

Wishing is something we do when we see something in the world as unjust or unfair and want it to change but only dare to tip-toe on the edge of playing God. It is a pacifist's word for though I want I have not done.

If I try and fail, I will smile because once I'm on the ground I'll have the gift of realizing that I was brave enough to dare to let myself fall. What do we ever learn from an easy stroll, anyways? Nothing; we just gain the needed peace and rest for our future adventures and falls. Failure is the teacher no one likes until they realize it was Failure that shaped them the most.

a lil humor :D haha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJqYc0Q6uOM&feature=related

3/1/10

Luke 24: 2-4

"2) They found that the stone had been rolled away from that entrance. 3) So they went in, but they didn't find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4) As they stood there puzzled two men suddenly appeared to them, clothed in dazzling robes."

Sometimes when God isn't there it's not that He has abandoned us, but it's that he has made a new way for us and gone before us. All that is left for us then to do is follow. So don't doubt God. Instead, realize what has happened and look for the clues He's left behind for us to run after Him by. And always think back to what He said. He will never abandon His children. And God can never lie. So ask ourself what else is going on here if you can't find Him. Don't look for what He did wrong to you because I promise you will not find anything and only run in circles. But be sure of your identity and become God's best friend. He is forever playing with us. He won't leave you behind, He in fact waits for you to catch up.

SO when you can't find God ask yourself, "what am I missing?" and open your mind to looking and seeking in a new way.

The bible says seek and you will find. But, that doesn't mean seek in any way you want to. But in the way He has set the game up for you to play. Just imagine God's playing sardines but for some reason, you're playing hide'n'seek. Different games have different rules and they just don't mix well.

Remember, God is there watching the whole time and He is not a mean God. If you are not getting it, ask Him for more clues or better eyes. But, don't get mad at Him for playing. Maybe you are just playing the wrong game when He's started another. Maybe when you feel alone or confused, God and everyone else is playing sardines and you're still stuck on hide'n'seek because you missed the memo.

The thing that's helped me the most though, is that if you're frustrated 'n' tired when you're playing with God and seeking after Him, never forget to look up. Who knows, God may just have a Jesus Beacon like Batman's haha :) He WILL help you and teach you how to play. But, you have to let Him teach you and love you. If you're doing all of the talking and you're not listening, how can you hear?

I guess the last thing I wanna say is that, He doesn't want you to be frustrated either. But, and there's always a "but" haha but, sometimes you just have to tough it out and deal with being frustrated but not becoming bitter. You have to stay open and teachable. Life isn't all daises and tea parties. It's gonna be hard. But when you are in a pinch, remember that somethings you just have to figure out and sometimes that just takes time and some good old fashioned hard work. But it'll be a lot more fun to struggle and figure it out and actually get to play than just quiting and sitting the whole thing out.

2/28/10

If I am experiencing trials and am feeling overwhelmed by pain, sorrow and/or suffering, i am not close enough to my Jesus, and I must press in harder and closer to Him. There I will find shelter, my joy and rest.

Jeremiah 21:2

"Please speak to the Lord for us and ask Him to help us. King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon is attacking Judah, Perhaps the Lord will be gracious and do a might miracle as he has done in the past. Perhaps he will force Nebuchadnezzar to withdraw his armies."

Sum up of what God was showing me:

Satin is Nebuchadnezzar and he is attacking us at home. God wants US to call out to HIM for Satin's armies to be withdrawn.

God told me this:

"Ask and it shall be given. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.

You will never stop hunting unless your soul is satisfied; only then can you ever be truly happy. Until then, you will always want. God will make a way in the darkness when there is no other. Ask upon Him to clear your enemies from around you and He will do so when the time and your position is right."

The Getya Gloomies I don't miss...

I could paint a very ugly picture of my life right now. My mom's been sick for 3 years and is still fighting against the damage the cancer left her. My Dad's over worked and stressed. I have been fighting illnesses all of my life and am again. My first year of college was a disaster. The first semester i nearly died in the hospital and had to drop out just before the end of my first semester and lost ALL of my work. I got better but wasn't 100% but went back to school anyways and was welcomed with an immense amount of work.

My mom had surgery again. Very stressful. The same week of the surgery i had my first art project due along with a test and quiz and an exam just around the corner followed by another test. Life isn’t all peachy baby and sometimes that’s just how it goes… I was getting colds left and right. i was still very tired and not feeling great. To sum it up, I was about as stressed and pathetic looking as the soul surviving wet ant standing a top its flooded mound not knowing quiet what to do. I settled for dripping my way off to work with no specific end in mind, just to work. Then I went through a break up. No need for details on what that’s like thanks to Hollywood and Hallmark. Continued at school and after school everyday I visited the hospital, but more specifically my mother in it, not the actual building itself. That’s silly. There are far prettier places to go if one was going to visit a place. But I would stay until late at night and attempt to do all the homework there I could, emotionally I was turning off.

Then she came home and we cared for her here. And I always wished there was more I could do for her. She's been through so much, i wished i could at least ease her pain, but i couldn't. So i went off to school early the next morning exhausted, rather down and feeling somewhat useless. And as the colors of life were fading from my depressed eyes, I got sick. Had a fever of 104.8 and still tried to go to school… I had an exam that week, I couldn’t skip. Don’t look at me as if I were mad. Haha I took the exam sick and after wards I just stared at it, not remembering how I took it or how long it had been I just knew I was done and didn’t remember how. Very weird but it was a blessed moment indeed. Haha SO Then I just became sicker and all around just very ill again and am now successfully very drugged and anxious and irritable because of the steroids I was put on haha :D sadly they won’t make me super strong but luckily they wont make me fat ‘ither haha BUT to end this tail: it's been declared on facebook, so to the world as we know it haha, that I have mono and had to drop ALL of my classes and loose all of my work yet again. I could go on but you see my point and I’m afraid I’d bore you… SO in a shell’s nut… I've had a ruff go.

But honestly, I have not been as happy as I am right now in a long long time. It doesn't make any sense. In fact it may even constitute a CAT scan. However, I can pass the scan in good conscience because A.) it’s far too expensive with Obama’s stellar health care program and B.) Because I know it’s because of God that i would be so happy. You see, I should just look around and be able to get unlimited emo rights. But, i don't want them. Why? I went to Jesus and it honestly doesn't seem all that bad. :) really :) It’s actually just the opposite.

He lets me see the humor and the silver lining and I don't feel abandoned or screwed at all. All I can say is that I am so happy to be alive. Out of the gloomy state above, this is what i see:

My dad has work when so many don't. Too much in fact. :) My mom has touched thousands through her story and while it is hard, she's stronger than the happenings on earth around her and has opened up to let Jesus speak to her and be with her in this as well. Through all of these things my family has become closer. We laugh like we've never laughed before and have learned to see humor and light in some of life's darkest corners. When I was sick last year, it gave my boyfriend at the time and i a new look on things and because of that when our relationship changed we were able to become and stay friends. I don’t know if that would have been possible if thing hadn’t happened they way they did and if we didn’t get that time together in the end that we had. We have a real happiness for the other and we're still a part of the other's life just in a very different way. I really would go through all of that again because I cherish the outcome it gave so much.

Through dropping out of college the first time, it's made the second much easier. And in dropping a second time, it's given me the chance to recover and focus on getting the rest i need to be healthy again. It's given me the chance to think to become closer with God and explore other options for me in life. Through my sickness my sister and I have bridged a once very distance filled gap. LA suddenly doesn't seem so far away God has given me an AMAZING group of friends and FANTASTIC new friends as well. They’ve all come right along side of me and blessed me so much through everything and in this time. That has given me such joy :) They’re amazing! I have so much. A house, two dogs a loving family and friends a bright future ahead of me. How could I complain?

I would never have seen things this way, if it wasn't for the Holy Spirit first coming to me.

Anyways, I am in a very good spot. And I'll stop lecturing you with my little anecdote haha but I wanted to share with you about me and where I am also... :) Hope it wasn’t tooo boring haha anyways moving right along... :D

Personal Effects

For me, I really needed to hear this. I hardly ever looked up to God first. I usually would just make a fist and wag it around and then go spew my problems onto other equity hurting people. I mean, after all who isn't hurting in these days, right? I realized that was wrong of me and it didn't do me any good. I was still just as mad as i was before i started waving my clutched phalanges about... SO I had a novel and completely original idea huh ;) I looked up and I listened.

I can't tell you how much going to God first and just speaking to Him like i would with you has changed me. He's heard me all along, but i never directed any of my comments towards Him or invited Him to say anything back on the matter. Now, yes He is God and could interrupt my internal monologue but, who wants to go to a party, their not invited to? So... I started inviting Him in and I started inviting Him first. I've found such happiness and joy after i started doing that. He really does give me such incredible strength. My old self would be very depressed at this point in my life.

2/27/10

As you can see by the clashing dates above, i am playing a grand game of catch up :D i luff ketchup 8) no, i really do... anyways...

This is what we've got for this day...

Words mean nothing. If your heart is far from the Lord but you say the right things, you are not doing anything right. For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. If what the heart would say is evil, keep your mouth shut and your voice silent and change your heart by meeting with God and before Him, tell Him everything and hold nothing back.

Bring your heart close to God. hold nothing back. Let Him be the first one you talk to, listen to, vent to and plan with. Go to Christ first and He will give you the strength the minute you need it.

What this blog is about :)

Hello again, haha I am starting a blog. such a keen eye for the obvious i know... but I hit a wall. Everything was going just fine and i started my blog and then once i asked what is it going to be about, it put a rather severe pause on the whole thing... but i think i know just what i am to blog about now :D I want to be personal with you. I am going to be writing down the things I hear from God and write in my own personal journal. He's made me realize that yes, it is personal. But, if it's helped me, maybe it could help another. SO we'll see where this goes... maybe nowhere. But even if i can help one person even just once. it's not a waist to me :)

So, off we go :)

welcome to thee crack house :D dooo come inn

About me: I have a lot to say. You shee, I would put this in the “about me section” buuut haha it didn’t fit ;) SO about me:

I would say I am an odd one but there are A. so many types of odd and B. everyone says that now-a-days so bc the majority is saying they're odd it's not unique but the norm now ... so that's not fun...

I love originality although, with all of the minds that have been on earth before me or are currently here with me today, is that really possible to achieve? I mean someone must have either done it, thought it or wrote about it already, right? (Maybe not, but the rarity of originality is what makes it so special when it actually occurs :) ) So I go for the new best thing and I shoot for just being me =) I get insecure and fail sometimes tho :/ Its much easier to see a successful personality or action in a social setting and mimic that model of success rather than implementing your own. Because yours might fail, for a variety of reasons, and a mask in social scenes is so much easier, because if no one likes it, you just take it off and are left relatively uncared and protected. But then you are never yourself and so you soon become lost and very unhappy. You see, there is a saying that everyone must pay their dues sometime. I believe that is always true. If I am not accepted, another human and I just didn’t match. Neither of us enjoyed it. So they are not only rejecting me but I also do not prefer them. And that is O.K. as long as we are both respectful about it and thoughtful of the other human being. On the other hand though, getting back to my prior point, if I'm similar to anyone else, when I’m just being me, then hey that's not bad. I may be relatively unoriginal, sure, but it means I've got a like-minded friend out there :)and that's a comforting thought. You see, we're never the only ones in a situation and we are never truly alone. =)

I am also very random.

You thought I was done didn’t you?? Nooo that would have been a nice harmonious though provoking ending… but no. No, I also like to laugh and making ppl laugh :D

I am very friendly.

If I ever meet you … well, lets just say I hug perfect strangers sometimes when I first meet them. Yeah… yeah yup a big healthy guerrilla hug

Note: I hugged two perfect strangers yesterday. They were very nice people =)

“What movies do you like” ooh hmmm, lets spin this one around: what movies don't you like?? the majority of chick flicks. yeah not gonna pay to weep or sob or be exposed to intense epic high pitched screams... if i wanted to let someone else make me cry against my better wishes... I’ll go chop onions folks... and if I wants to hear surround sound squeals I’d go to a pig fair. k? ok... PLEASE note: real life girls that scream and jump are pretty much one of the funniest thing to watch and be around... they make me smile. haha what can I say?? but fake ones on TV... no. they make my trigger finger itch.

cant explain it... but I like what I like and I don’t what I dislike.. :D

ALSO: slasher/horror? what’s that about?? can we hold the catch up please?? and is the side of intense and obsessive terror reeealy fun?? no it's not a happy meal. Don’t by the frowny mean. It’s stupid. Besides, u'll most likely pee yo cool self just all over the place. ight?! and it's not cool to be scared... everyone can do it... look

*looks around*

*squishes face*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

see. yur all right now, ya all yall stupid if ya go. N u knO ull regret it too you know what I mean…

U just saw the worst movie slasher horror movie ever ur home alone all and that newly haunted window with the serial killer waiting outside it... oh yeah and u cant sleep so you stay up wide awake in a room with closed windows so no one can see you? with ur blood shot eyes blown wide open looking from side to side stuffing ur sweaty lil scared face with junk food and ur "formidable" weapons layin rt there beside you...all the while ur thinking “yeah, yeah you know what, I got this! Nothing can scare me” ur sittin there with ur cheatos covered hand pep talking urself into a confidant frenzy and then the wind kicks up

AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! SWEET MOTHER OF AMY WHAT THE FRIK WAZ THAAAAAAT!!!???

The cheatos are strewn across the floor you are now standing on top of your couch with a pillow and remote, your formidable weapons, in your hands like that’s gonna do any good when sweety Tod come crashin in… yeeah now that’s sad right there. And after you’ve watched those movies for like about a week when ever you get to an open space outside when it’s pitch black, FORGET ABOUT IT you get so scared you have now rendered yourself mute.

So let me ask you… is this fun??? hahaha